By Steven Griggs

 Other Challenges With Teenagers
There are more difficult situations that are more difficult to
manage because your child is a teenager. These situations are difficult
when your child is younger, too, but the onset of "teenagerness," as I
heard from a parent today in the office, exacerbates the meltdowns.
One condition is ADHD in general, or learning disabilities,
specifically. ADHD is an acronym for Attention-deficit Hyperactive
Disorder. Usually this is diagnosed in grade school, and presents as
problems paying attention, managing impulses, being poorly organizing
and following through, earning low grades (despite high intelligence in
many cases), etc. Learning disabilities have to do with how an
individual processes information. For example, many kids have trouble
encoding information when they hear it, but do better when they see it.
This would suggest an "auditory encoding" or "auditory processing" disorder.
Processing, in this case refers to accurately taking information in, so
later, something can be done with it. There are also "decoding" learning
disabilities, which refer to what is done with the information after it is
encoded. Learning disabilities can exist with vision, too, and with other
senses; for example, touch (kinesthetics). Learning disorders are often but
not always the underlying cause of ADHD, and are often overlooked.
The scope of this ebook does not allow for an in-depth discussion of these
subjects (this is the next ebook planned by this author), but suffice it to
say that whatever was a chronic problem for a pre-teen, potentially will be
more of a problem for a teenager.
Why? Because teens have greater emotional and physical reactive
potential. They will bring to the problem the emotional and other developing
(read "still unstable") proclivities that tend to intensify problems.
Fortunately, as emerging adults, there also are often more treatments.
And, when there is greater reasoning ability (when moods are not factors)
treatments usually are more effective. When there are ADHD and/or learning
disorders present and when there is more difficulty dealing with this in a
teenager, seek a licensed therapist.
Communication problems are ubiquitous. Because teens tend to withdraw
around age thirteen, communication "issues" tend to be more visible.
As a parent, you might notice the dearth of communication with your teenager,
or you might notice his or her responses to your inquiries are now one-word
responses. Dealing with manipulating is especially "fun" with teenagers.
Manipulating is any form of communication or behavior designed to obfuscate,
misdirect, confuse, mask or otherwise mislead the listener. Manipulating is
an indirect communication that covers the speaker's real intent. With younger
children you first have to teach them a vocabulary, usually of their feelings.
With teens, you have to reinforce using these words, following up with rewards
and other incentives.
Teenager deconstructing is a problem and a classic manipulation.
Let's say you ask your teenager to come directly home after school, lock the
front door and have no one inside the house. You come home after work and
find your teen and a member of the opposite sex in the garage, "visiting."
You remind your teen of the rules and are met with the following retort.
"Well, I did come home and the door is locked, it's just not closed (sure enough,
it's "locked" but ajar). And, we weren't in the house. You didn't say anything
about the garage..." My favorite is when you say, "Be home by four o'clock and
start doing your homework." Your teen arrives at four-thirty without books.
Your teen says to you, "You didn't say come home at four o'clock everyday, and
besides, I did my homework at school, so there's no need to be home by four."
Pay attention-you will be tested!
-Dr. Griggs
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